Easter Vigil Nerves

Saturday Night. Easter Vigil Night. The Night before Easter Sunday and my whole family is in bed (well except for me). We are all nervous or curiously awaiting Easter Day in our own ways.

I don’t know whether Jesus’ disciples were nervous or scared or anxious or curious after Jesus died by crucifixion. We know they didn’t anticipate his resurrection the next-day, as Christians now do in the telling and remembering the story of Jesus’ life death and resurrection a reminder that God our creator has not forgotten us, God is with Us, and God shows us through Jesus that the power of Love is stronger than death or evil. No, the disciples didn’t know this quite yet. They were likely fearing for their lives, wondering if they were next to be crucified as a follower of Jesus. They had celebrated the Passover meal (Lord’s supper) one last time with Jesus and now he was gone. They would need to come up with new traditions and rituals as followers of Christ, and yet it takes awhile to figure out what to do next. When Jesus appeared to them and before he ascended he reminded them of the instructions he gave them prior to his death, he reminded them he would send an advocate, a guide after he was gone, he reminded them of what to “do in remembrance of me”.

I left my ministry position on Dec 31st and our family decided to no longer attend the church I had worked at for just a few days short of 10 years. That took some serious strength and courage and humility for all of us. We then have been wandering through a season of grieving the loss of our participation in that worshiping community (knowing they still love us and welcome us should we choose to return). We lost the ritual and time marker of Sunday mornings that we’ve known for all of our daughter’s lives and liver for Doug and I. We gave ourselves a month of sleeping in on Sunday morning’s. Then Girl Scout cookie season landed and Katie sold cookies and before and after those three weekends, were days we were ill or otherwise committed. Suddenly, three months later (interesting to note Jesus’ resurrection came three days after his death) we are going back to church for the first time as a family on Easter Sunday.

While we’ve been pondering which churches to attend in our community this particular Sunday wasn’t difficult to decide. We’re attending the church Doug’s dad plays and has played trumpet for on Easter Sunday for many years. It is the first Easter without Doug’s mother accompanying his dad to worship. It is the first Easter since Janine’s death. Doug’s brother & family is in the area celebrating the Jewish holiday of Passover with his wife’s family and the word is we may get to see him as well.

This is the first Easter Sunday in 17 years that I have not been a part of leading children’s egg hunt or a youth Easter breakfast or giving a Children’s sermon (of which I think my favorite all time was last year’s!). It is weird not to be anxious and excited and prepping something up to or past midnight only to set my alarm to arrive at the church for more prep at 5am Easter morning. We’ll simply be participants in a worship service with a community where we know very few people and whose traditions we are unfamiliar. I kind of don’t know what to do with myself.

Also, this is the first year without the Eater Bunny visiting our home. Katie revealed to me recently she no longer believes in the Easter Bunny. Doug isn’t really “feeling” like doing any celebrations because similar to Christmas he can’t help but think about his mother not being around to celebrate. So in a sense it is good we don’t have to do an Eater bunny performance, however, I’m convinced we need something with so much of our past “normal” no longer being normal. So Katie and I played Easter bunny and purchased simple Easter candies for each family member and we’ll have breakfast together in the morning before going to worship. We’ve NEVER done this as a family of Four. I don’t think Doug and I even ever did that pre-kiddos – maybe one time before I was hired to my first professional ministry position.

As we keep vigil for the hope and promise of a new life – on earth as it is in Heaven – in the resurrection of Jesus we have unknowns, uncertainties, anxieties, and realities we are not necessarily wanting to face tomorrow. But we will do it and we’ll be OK. We have each other and God is with us.

What anxieties and unknowns and real sadness, hurt , or anger do you bring from Easter Vigil to the celebration of Easter Resurrection Day? What ever they may be – know that God is still with you always and has not left, forgotten or abandoned you.

A photo from my Facebook memories from March 30th,2013. Katie (now 10) set up my mother-in-law’s guide dog to be the Easter Bunny. So sweet. In memory of Janine Prindle. ❤️