Easter Vigil Nerves

Saturday Night. Easter Vigil Night. The Night before Easter Sunday and my whole family is in bed (well except for me). We are all nervous or curiously awaiting Easter Day in our own ways.

I don’t know whether Jesus’ disciples were nervous or scared or anxious or curious after Jesus died by crucifixion. We know they didn’t anticipate his resurrection the next-day, as Christians now do in the telling and remembering the story of Jesus’ life death and resurrection a reminder that God our creator has not forgotten us, God is with Us, and God shows us through Jesus that the power of Love is stronger than death or evil. No, the disciples didn’t know this quite yet. They were likely fearing for their lives, wondering if they were next to be crucified as a follower of Jesus. They had celebrated the Passover meal (Lord’s supper) one last time with Jesus and now he was gone. They would need to come up with new traditions and rituals as followers of Christ, and yet it takes awhile to figure out what to do next. When Jesus appeared to them and before he ascended he reminded them of the instructions he gave them prior to his death, he reminded them he would send an advocate, a guide after he was gone, he reminded them of what to “do in remembrance of me”.

I left my ministry position on Dec 31st and our family decided to no longer attend the church I had worked at for just a few days short of 10 years. That took some serious strength and courage and humility for all of us. We then have been wandering through a season of grieving the loss of our participation in that worshiping community (knowing they still love us and welcome us should we choose to return). We lost the ritual and time marker of Sunday mornings that we’ve known for all of our daughter’s lives and liver for Doug and I. We gave ourselves a month of sleeping in on Sunday morning’s. Then Girl Scout cookie season landed and Katie sold cookies and before and after those three weekends, were days we were ill or otherwise committed. Suddenly, three months later (interesting to note Jesus’ resurrection came three days after his death) we are going back to church for the first time as a family on Easter Sunday.

While we’ve been pondering which churches to attend in our community this particular Sunday wasn’t difficult to decide. We’re attending the church Doug’s dad plays and has played trumpet for on Easter Sunday for many years. It is the first Easter without Doug’s mother accompanying his dad to worship. It is the first Easter since Janine’s death. Doug’s brother & family is in the area celebrating the Jewish holiday of Passover with his wife’s family and the word is we may get to see him as well.

This is the first Easter Sunday in 17 years that I have not been a part of leading children’s egg hunt or a youth Easter breakfast or giving a Children’s sermon (of which I think my favorite all time was last year’s!). It is weird not to be anxious and excited and prepping something up to or past midnight only to set my alarm to arrive at the church for more prep at 5am Easter morning. We’ll simply be participants in a worship service with a community where we know very few people and whose traditions we are unfamiliar. I kind of don’t know what to do with myself.

Also, this is the first year without the Eater Bunny visiting our home. Katie revealed to me recently she no longer believes in the Easter Bunny. Doug isn’t really “feeling” like doing any celebrations because similar to Christmas he can’t help but think about his mother not being around to celebrate. So in a sense it is good we don’t have to do an Eater bunny performance, however, I’m convinced we need something with so much of our past “normal” no longer being normal. So Katie and I played Easter bunny and purchased simple Easter candies for each family member and we’ll have breakfast together in the morning before going to worship. We’ve NEVER done this as a family of Four. I don’t think Doug and I even ever did that pre-kiddos – maybe one time before I was hired to my first professional ministry position.

As we keep vigil for the hope and promise of a new life – on earth as it is in Heaven – in the resurrection of Jesus we have unknowns, uncertainties, anxieties, and realities we are not necessarily wanting to face tomorrow. But we will do it and we’ll be OK. We have each other and God is with us.

What anxieties and unknowns and real sadness, hurt , or anger do you bring from Easter Vigil to the celebration of Easter Resurrection Day? What ever they may be – know that God is still with you always and has not left, forgotten or abandoned you.

A photo from my Facebook memories from March 30th,2013. Katie (now 10) set up my mother-in-law’s guide dog to be the Easter Bunny. So sweet. In memory of Janine Prindle. ❤️

I’m a Seminarian! (Long-ish Overdue Post)

I’m a seminarian and life is super crazy and chaotic because of it – but I’m loving it. I’m studying for a Masters in Divinity at Seattle Pacific Seminary (at Seattle Pacific University) because it is a requirement for ordination both within the PC-USA and ELCA (my heart is currently tied to both denominations). Generally, the program takes 4 years of full-time study. I’ve begun at 2/3rds time with 8 credits which feels like a lot more than full time. It will possibly take me 6-8 years to complete, hopefully earlier rather than later, we’ll see where God leads me.

In June my ministry position at Lake City Presbyterian was reduced to half-time (salary and time), I was re-offered the position which is focused on children’s, youth and family ministry as well as LCPC Social Media and other bits of Christian Education. So I”m working half-time, mom and wife full-time and seminarian 2/3rds time. Woot!

In the middle of my second quarter of my first year. Studying is a complete firehose of information – LOTS of reading, pondering, writing, and praying but I”m loving it. SPS has three core lines and a Practicum required for every student (even 2 yrs – Master of Theology students). The cores are: Theological Interpretation of Scripture, Theology and Ethics of Triune God, and Global Christian History. I am “only” taking two of the lines this year and will take the third (GCH) next year. Each core line involves three quarters of classes. Scripture was general interpretation introduction last quarter, Old Testament this quarter, and New Testament next quarter. Theology and Ethics was God and the Environment (Creation) last quarter, Jesus – Christology and Discipleship this quarter, and a focus on the Holy Spirit next quarter.

Additionally every first year is required to participate in a Practicum class for a year – most other programs define this as field work and reflection and it is a bit different and time consuming at SPS, but I really like it. Practicum involves four components: A typed weekly reflection connecting our studies with life outside of school (ministry, family, work, etc); Meeting with an assigned mentor three times each quarter; Meeting weekly for an hour with a class meeting small group facilitated by a student who is a few years into the program, and a 30 hour project of our choice connecting our current studies with our life/ministry.

I love my practicum mentor – I was connected with a woman Presbyterian pastor of a church in Seattle who ironically was mentored by the pastor I work with at LCPC when she was a seminarian!

This quarter we had the option of choosing to read a book and use it in our reflections each week. Crazy to choose more reading, but I did and I’m glad. If you are a ministry leader of any kind (professional, volunteer, church, non-church, lay leader, etc) check out “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership” by Ruth Haley Barton. The author uses the life of Moses to focus on the ups and downs of ministry and the difficulty yet necessity of caring for your own soul while caring for other’s souls.

I am learning a lot and gaining new fresh perspectives and tools for studying scripture and thinking about God that are definitely applicable to my ministry now and practical pieces I can share with others in my congregation and life in general.

Two things I’ve realized this quarter:

* Sometimes I can be creative to finish my reading, sometimes I can’t. Not a single book from any of my classes are on Kindle this quarter – ALL of them were last quarter and I was extremely spoiled by the ability to switch my iPhone/iPad to the Voice Over accessibility feature (thank you Aaron Willett for turning me on to this tip!!) and it turned my texts into audio books for my 45-60 minute drives between home and school – or even while I’m in the shower or doing dishes (TMI?). Also with the Kindle app I could highlight and then copy/paste portions of the book into a document to be able to form my thoughts for papers or insert quotes. Not an option when all of your books are hard copy! I’m thankful for the YouVersion Bible App though – helps me listen through all the scripture reading necessary for my OT class (especially the Looooooong chunks we are asked to ‘skim’).

* Seminary requires a different kind of writing and thinking than coordinating childrens/youth ministry. So much of my time in ministry has been spent working to make theological information more concise and to the point to engage volunteers, teachers, children and teens, etc. I still have a hard time wanting to share too much and a tendency to provide too much information. In seminary, professors ask for “the deeper main points” of a theologian’s writings or two to three paragraphs on observations in scripture. It is a definitely a learning process, when my papers are returned I’m asked to give more information and expound upon my thoughts/observations. So my challenge now is to train/allow my brain to go the other direction for grad school while keeping it moderately condensed in my ministry.

All this said, I love my professors, I love my cohort and classmates, and my family is surviving with me (that’s another blog post in itself!) and it is all crazy hard, but I love it.

Ok, now that I’ve finally updated my blog, time to carry on and work on some more reading and writing!

Inspired by “Ministry Matters™ | Helping people transition to another church”

I’ve come across an excellent post describing how one can help a person in transition when they need to leave the church. Ministry Matters™ | Helping people transition to another church. It discusses how to address a congregational community member when they leave for life changes like college, marriage, new jobs, etc.

What I hoped it would but doesn’t address, is those who are simply looking for something different in worship service or a different type of worshiping community – locally. This is where I often  have continuous conversations with parents and teens in children and youth ministry in a smaller church.

In our church a few things might cause people to want to try  something else (at the same time, these might draw people in!):

• We don’t have the exciting thrills of the mega-churches around us in the Seattle area when it comes to children, youth, or adults.
• Our children’s and youth minsitry various from 1 to 20 children/teens on any given Sunday.
• We have women in leadership – the pastor and myself (whom the church has chosen to call in to these positions).
• Much of the staff and much of the congregation is (not officially) affirming to LGBTQ parishioners and families – our pastor will perform same sex marriages.
• We are trying to figure out the best use of our large, beautiful building that we can’t afford to keep to ourselves.
• Staff salaries have been cut recently including hours of availalbility which affects programs and plans.
• For now church polity requires that in order to be an elder or deacon you must be an official ‘member’ of the church – and some people are not keen on membership to anything really hindering some excellent folks from holding various leadership roles in the church.
• We have and use an organ (among other instruments) and sing songs from hymnals (among other types of music)

These and other concerns are reasons I’m continually having conversations beginning with “We are trying out some other churches…” . In a smaller church you really notice when someone or some family is missing for any number of weekends. Other parishioners get nervous and constantly ask “Where are they? do you know if they are coming back? What can you/we do different to bring them back?” . I sometimes know the answer to the first question and usually have nothing for the other two.

To be honest, I decided several years ago that people are going to make their choices, we can do the best we can to involve them in the life of the church and then it is up to them and God’s holy spirit to figure out the rest. My brain will get tired trying to keep track, but it isn’t up to me to decide whether they will stay or go. It is up to me not to let my heart be jealous and angry at people for making their own choices.  We all have seasons in our lives where we need to try something a little different or experience something for ourselves to see to even know if where we are at is what we want and need. I’m of the opinion that we pray for folks and give our blessing to let them wander and try new things and let them know should they choose to come back and stay we are here and have a place for them. I will be sad if it is a person or family that has been a “pillar” of sorts in the congregation community, but it isn’t fair to make people feel guilty or hold them back from something God is calling them to do for themselves and their families.

I have the same opinion when it comes to working with volunteers. Sometimes volunteers want to try something else and they feel stuck in having made a commitment to a particular ministry. I love my volunteers and generally it is few and far between with children and youth ministry – but again we need to let the Spirit lead. If they have gifts and talents and interests they want to try somewhere else for a period of time or they simply are having some tough times in life  – release them, give them permission, and trust that God will work within the ‘gap’ seemingly left in your ministry. We have to trust that God isn’t just working in the life of that one person, but yours as well.

We are called to be people of the spirit – the one Jesus’ sent to work in and through and with us. That means it is important having the tough conversations and giving permission and blessing to allow God’s spirit to work in all people – even if it stings our heart a bit.

People, not Programs, in Parish Ministry

It is 1:30 a.m and I really need to be sleeping because I need to wake up at 6 a.m. Ah, the perils of being a night owl and having to wake up early! Plus, my husband and kiddos are at a family timeshare condo without me, so I have plenty of peace and quiet. I’ll be joining them in less than 24 hours though for some quality family time. 

I’ve been participating in a conference called the Inhabit Conference held at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. It is essentially a two day conversation around Place and Parish. Parish meaning the neighborhoods where we live and share our ministry. Place meaning what is our role right smack where we are – as church collectively. 

Our church is in a ripe place of discerning what is our role in our community. We can take pride in a lot of programs but how do we relate to those whose homes share our street, who walk their dogs, push babies in strollers, and cut through our parking lot as they make their way to catch a bus?

Today (Friday) keynote presentations were given by several leaders who are striving to truly understand their neighbors and encouraging the rest of us to join them in their plight – but join them by staying in our place and addressing those nearest and who should be dearest. 

I also participated in a few break out sessions. One in respect to immigration where I was challenged (literally called out by the presenter) to not thing programmatically but think relationally about immigrants in our neighborhood. There was one point in our small group’s conversation that I discovered there were reps from another local Presbyterian church I mentioned I’d love to connect just to see what they are doing – in my mind I was thinking I could bring someone from my congregation along and say here is an example of how a church has listened to the needs/desires in their neighborhood. Apparently those are not the word that came out of my mouth – or at least how my comment was interpreted – immediately the presenter came back at me with something along the lines of we can’t be looking to copy the programs others are doing and think it will work in our neighborhood. At first I didn’t get it that she thought that was what I intended to do and I agreed with her. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was being pointed out as taking the wrong approach. I somewhat felt attacked and frustrated because there wasn’t a place for me to come back and defend myself.  But after mulling it over for a good 12 hours I think I’m OK with the misunderstanding now and realizing I have to be very intentional with what I am saying/thinking. As if I don’t already overthink my thoughts and intentions as it is. Oh well.

All in all the break out session was very informative and helpful so learn facts about immigration issue in the U.S. and how the church can be partners and not just ‘helpers’ in a community with immigrants. Mostly it was said that there often needs to be a committed advocate  (up to 10-15 years!) to help immigrants obtain citizen status and to get educated about the reforms and laws and help immigrants understand what they are able to do so as to alleviate fear, which in turn paralyzes them from going forward. 

Another common suggestion/practice I heard all throughout the day in various conversations was not to treat neighbors as clients but as partners. We need to think of people around us in terms of relationship and not commodity. Rather than search for brokenness that can be fixed we need to identify the assets and strengths and it will only enrich everyone’s experiences. My question now is how to do we apply and translate this to our congregation (volunteers as relationships not commodities), children and youth and their parents (relationships and not commodities) and how to people take this idea of parish home to their families and neighborhoods? And how do we get to know and build relationships with all those neighbors I mentioned at the beginning of this post and more?

Ok. Time to sleep on it, only to converse and ponder some more at Inhabit in a few hours. 

Like they say..”Communication is Key”

My work in ministry is essentially a ministry of communication. I’m realizing this as I finish up a meeting with our youth ministry intern. It is nothing new… I definitely know I need to be a better communicator on so many levels. It is a matter of making the time, having a plan, getting the right tools in line, honing and acquiring skills. Simple, right? Why is it SO hard sometimes?

In case you wonder, communication with my intern went perfectly well this morning. It was our conversations regarding various transition scenarios that spurred this thought. We have to be intentional in communicating our hopes, dreams, needs, and expectations with teen students, parents, volunteers,committees, church staff and each other. This is no small feat at times. How do we effectively communicate to all these groups in a positive and engaging manner? Also do all this in a timely manner? 

I don’t have the answer except a realization that I need to remember to bring my communication struggles to the cross. I need to lay down my worries, frustration, and crunched time schedule and give them to God. I need to trust God with my time and words – asking for help, guidance, and the right words in the right time (or”write time” as the case may be). I get so very paralyzed by perfection and pride… I need to let go and let God work through the potential messy jumble of my thoughts.